Hockey is more than just a game.

The Essence of Hockey

Hockey is often described as a fast-paced, physical sport that demands skill, teamwork, and resilience. It is played on ice, where players glide effortlessly, showcasing their agility and strength. The sound of skates cutting through ice, the crack of the puck against the stick, and the roar of the crowd create an electrifying atmosphere that captivates fans. What the dictionary cannot describe is the that hockey is not what you do, but it was who I was.

Community

Hockey is not just an individual sport, it thrives on community support. In local rinks all across Canada and beyond, there is a connection to the coaching staff, sponsors, 50/50 sellers, referees and in my case a guy named Scottie that sharpened skates. I can close my eyes today and still smell the arena. I can't really describe it, it is not just the smell of the conncession, wafting through the air, or the smell of the Zamboni starting up, is it the ice and the building, I don't know, but I do know for many years it beckoned me. It called me to a space of freedom, where the worries and cares melted away. It called me to a place where family took on a new meaning and my team, and the parents, we were all part of this new sense of belonging. It was there and it was palpable, I belonged.

It was part of the game...

Hockey is a place where everyone has a goal of a personal best, or where every team is vying for a spot in the playoffs. Every player has a unique story that reflects their struggles, aspirations, and the impact of what they want to achieve. For some the game was never about the "dream", for me I could never play if I was not playing to advance myself towards "the dream". I think every player in competeive hockey circles has a dream of playing in the Olympics. As a young kid watching the players line up to have the flag raised for Canada, it takes your breath away and it nudges you to beleive in bigger dreams. I grappled with the pressure of living away in my hockey journey, and I was so competetive, I could not relate to those that played because it gave them something to do. The narratives that challenged me to be the best were never taking up space in my spirit, they were my own battleground for personal growth. While facing the challenge of overcoming a significant injury and having to re-examine these narratives I could not understand how hockey could be my refuge and yet my escape.

The Impact

A career-ending injury, forced me to confront the who, the why, the when and I did not have answers to any of them. This transition was incredibly challenging, I needed to define who was Gina outside of hockey. I wish I could say that it was an easy fix, but months of emotional turmoil, never ending pain, I could only decribe it as I was surviving and not thriving. If I was going to thrive, I needed to leave the safety of my dark bedroom and build an idenity beyond the ice. This journey of self-discovery was part of what prompted me to write nine of ten, and to revisit who was Gina and why did I keep hearing the word resilience.

Reflection and Resilience

Reflection is a powerful tool for embarking on one's identity journey. I needed to come to terms that the loss of competitve hockey at this time in my life, meant the loss of the dream, and I knew I had re-emerged before. I had built up resilience when as a five year old I had to leave my home and move to an orphanage. I had to re-emerge when I moved halfway around the world from my birth country to Canada. If I could do it at five and six years old, I needed to believe I could do it again. Coming to terms with who I was as a human and not just as a hockey player was the reminder for me that identity is not static; it is fluid and it can change over time. I just needed to figure out who I wanted to be, and along that journey, I would need to heal things from my past that I had suppressed for many years. I needed to learn what Gina looked like when she was thriving.

Conclusion

Hockey, grief and loss, race, identity, adoption, and mental health are intricately woven together in my life and portrayed in"nine of ten," The book serves as a reminder of the power of sports to shape lives, and foster connections. That playing hockey, the greatest game of all time, means that now I can embrace the lessons I have learned being part of a team and I can move forward in planning my future and navigating life as an adult. I have hockey to thank for building a framework for relationships and of course family that stayed with me through the ups and downs.